One week ago today our sweet Kelly was laid to rest. I know it sounds so cliche, but I can't believe how quickly time flies. Its been a crazy week. Kelly passed away on Thursday, April 28th at 4:30am - complications due to breast cancer. She fought a long battle and she did it courageously. She left behind her ex husband and two beautiful daughters, ages 2 and 6. The younger daughter will be 3 this month. I was hoping Kelly would be here for her birthday, but God had other plans.
Thursday - April 28th
Kellys mom just returned from hospice and broke the news me to that Kelly had passed. Kelly lived right across the street from me. I felt hurt, surprised (I have NO idea why), and relieved that she was no longer suffering. It was a very strange day.
Friday - April 29th
That was the night of the viewing. Closed casket. Didn't get to see her girls. They didn't go. My two children took it pretty hard. I was ok. I wasn't convinced it hit me yet that she was gone. Again, another strange day.
Saturday - April 30th
The day of the funeral and burial. Again, I was fine. Feeling a little numb, but other than that....nothing. It wasn't until the burial when I was standing across from Kelly's two daughters that I felt overwhelming sadness again. I say again because I had that feeling most days watching my dear friend deteriorate over time.
Sunday - May 1st
Happy May Day / Beltane was what I posted on my Facebook that day. I really felt that it was a time for Spring, NEW LIFE and new beginnings. That was the only feeling I had that day. Missing Kelly? A little, but not so much. I felt more angry watching her family move everything out of her house. I knew I'd have to see it, after all, she lived right across the street.
Monday - May 2nd
Slept most of the day. I got up to get the kids ready and off to school then back to bed. My chest felt heavy and my neck hurt. I think it was from sadness and swallowing really hard trying not to cry.
Tuesday - May 3rd
Was the day one of my good friends told me not to worry, that soon I would find my "new normal". Sounded like Heaven. I wasn't feeling too much, but what I was feeling wasn't too good.
Wednesday - May 4th
Still waiting to feel better. Maybe I should take a walk. Or go shopping. Or cook something. Nah, I'll take a nap.
Thursday - May 5th
I realize that the only happiness I have recently is with my kids. Gosh I hate when they have to go to school. Maybe finding my "new normal" wasn't going to be so easy. What was I waiting for? Ok, I'm going for a walk with Wendi and then to visit Jill. Maybe that will make me feel better? It did! I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Friday - May 6th
Went to visit my friend Catherine this morning. It was a nice visit. I was feeling pretty good. I wanted to go home and make a nice dinner because Art was coming over for dinner. And I was feeling pretty good. :-) A few hours later.... a few beers later.... IT finally hit me that Kelly was gone. Gone, Gone, GONE! Let the meltdown begin. At least I was finally feeling something. And it was freaking awful.
